umbrella

- "Maybe I'll make a Mary Poppins movie and shove the umbrella up my ass. --> The original quote from Marilyn Chambers"

- "The night is young and we have umbrellas in our drinks. --> The original quote from The Tick"

smile

- A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight

- Rottweilers must do it with a smile.

emma

- "DeVries' Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper."

- "There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go? --> The original quote from War of the Roses"

imp

- "God is a verb, not a noun, proper or improper." - Fuller

- Íå that lives with cripples learns to limp.

important

- You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.

- You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.

snap

- "Schlattwhapper, sniglet: The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face."

- "When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. --> The original quote from Woody Allen"

and

- What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

- With time and patience the leaf of the mulberry becomes satin.

sneaky

knee

- Carpet layers do it on their knees.

- It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.

energetic

- "A curious energetically mellow mix of frivolity and unrestrained candor with five types of whole grain."

- Particle physicists DO IT energetically.

knife

- "My grandfather could sharpen a kitchen knife like no one else. He could use it to slice bread so thin it only had one side. To apply butter you had to fold the bread first. --> The original quote from Donald Theisen"

- "Roses are red, violets are black. You'd look much better with a knife in your back."

animal

- HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that ancients catalogued under many headings.

- Name one animal hunted with an AK-47, besides man.

unique

- "The Pope is uniquely entitled to pontificate. --> The original quote from William Safire"

- "This is exactly what the geese do. Nice to see that arrogance is not a uniquely human character trait. --> The original quote from John Dobbin"

inland

- "Diligent U.S. censors have managed to find sexually-explicit pictures on computers in Finland, France and elsewhere, and have been offended by them for hours. --> The original quote from Jim Warren"

only

- Cross your legs! We only have three nails.

- Faith is powerful, but only when accompanied by enlightenment.

inn

- As innocent as a babe unborn.

- Repentance is good, but innocence is better.

annual

- "Practice co-dependent passive-agressive guilt-projecting behavior so you'll be ready for round one of the annual Family Feud. --> The original quote from Top 5"

- "To humanize the facts, figures and financial data of our annual report, we decided to aim it at a real-live person, a typical investor-next-door. We chose Cindy Crawford. --> The original quote from Pepsico"

know

- We never know the value of water till the well is dry.

- Who has never tasted bitter, knows not what is sweet.

inside

- It is difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame.

- The night was as black as the inside of a cat.

instinct

- "Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. --> The original quote from Jack Handey"

- "You're an engineer. Go with your instincts. --> The original quote from Executive Decision"

ante

- All taglines guaranteed to be random or your money back!

- I sold my soul to Satan. He wanted a refund, but I said, "No."

enter

- Renters do it according to the lease agreement.

- Carpenters do it tongue-in-groove.

intern

- "This person doesn't even register on the most generous clue meter available. Just when you think the standard of stupidity on the internet has peaked someone charges past the previous mark. --> The original quote from John Dobbin"

- "Writing tip: On a scale of 1 to 10, internal consistency is very important."

internet

- "A reporter asked me not long ago whether I had ever expected a commercial internet to operate. 'Yes,' I answered, 'that didn't surprise me. Finding URLs in lipstick advertisements really threw me though.' --> The original quote from Fred Baker"

- "On the internet, no one knows you're a CHICKEN! A GIANT CHICKEN! --> The original quote from Denis Moskowitz"

onto

- Contortionists do it convolutely.

- Mathematicians do it onto others.

gnu

- "Old gnus. Eye remember ewe. --> The original quote from Adam Rifkin"

- "Sure dude, I'll be a dining philosopher. But I should warn you, if I get hungry, I'll just eat with my hands if I can't find a fork. --> The original quote from Magnus Hedlund"

anus

- "The real reason Milton went blind was to avoid reading unsolicited manuscripts. --> The original quote from Rita Mae Brown"

- "Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. --> The original quote from Samuel Johnson"

toad

- "Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. --> The original quote from Ambrose Bierce"

- "Violators will be toad."

bob

- "How terribly conservative of you. You should have gone bobbing for mascara. --> The original quote from Adam Rifkin"

- "Polite: Would you mind not bobbing your head; the orchestra keeps changing the tempo. --> The original quote from Roxanne"

job

- Criminals LOVE gun control - makes their job safer.

- Only people can defend freedom, it isn't a government job!

rob

- Government isn't the answer...government is the problem!

- A path without obstacles probably leads nowhere.

pod

- "Like two pods in a pea! --> The original quote from Thanh Boyer"

- "We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod."

code

- "You uudecode it. --> The original quote from How do I I I decode it?"

- "\"In other words,\" said Benjy, steering his curious little vehicle right over to Arthur, \"there's a good chance that the structure of the question is encoded in the structure of your brain-so we want to buy it off you.\" --> The original quote from Douglas Adams, THHGTTG"

model

- C Programmers do it with models!

- Simulation hackers do it with models.

body

- Òî put a spoke in somebody's wheel.

- Òî throw dust in somebody's eyes.

roe

- "Without will, without individuals, there are no heroes. But neither are there villians and the absence of villians is as prostrating, as soul-destroying, as the absence of heroes. --> The original quote from Gertrude Himmelfarb"

- Super heroes do it in Unstable Molecules.

dog

- The scalded dog fears cold water.

- Òî teach the dog to bark.

vogue

poi

- Jesus died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.

- One man's meat is another man's poison.

poke

- A word spoken is past recalling.

- Òî buy a pig in a poke.

cola

- Whipped cream, chocolate, baby oil...what did you have in mind?

- Life is like a box of chocolates, fundies are turds mixed in the box.

hole

- One drop of poison infects the whole tun of wine.

- One scabby sheep will mar a whole flock.

polis

- "Well, Beavis, it just goes to show, you can't polish a turd. --> The original quote from Butt-head"

- Indianapolis 500 pit crews DO IT in under 21 seconds.

loll

- "It's a day so hot you wanna peel outa yer skin and loll about in yer bones."

- "Then there is the one about the jumprope and lollipop. Skip it. It sucks."

college

- "Vermont is playing like a team that can do differential equations but can't add, can write Pulitzer-prize winning novels but can't spell, and can cook pate de fois gras but can't boil water. --> The original quote from Dave Hendrickson, on uscollegehockey.com"

- "\"I Phelta Thi\" is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges. --> The original quote from Top 5"

nolo

- Geochronologists will date any old thing.

- Only fools make technology a master instead of a servant.

woman

- A man is as good as he has to be, a woman as bad as she dares.

- Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.

bomb

- "We're not the ones who built the nuclear bombs that threaten our lives. --> The original quote from Offspring"

- "You might be a Republican if... you've ever uttered the phrase, \"Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches.\""

zombie

some

- Òî stick to somebody like a leech.

- Òî treat somebody with a dose of his own medicine.