lower

- Flowers: A gift bought by a friend who ate the chocolate.

- O God, please save me from the wrath of your followers.

cox

- "Let there be many windows to your soul, that all the glory of the world may beautify it. --> The original quote from Ella Wheeler Wilcox"

- "Wilcox's Law: A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants."

sperm

- "There are many sperm needed to fertilize an egg because none of them want to stop and ask for directions."

- "Why do we get paid more for a sperm donation than for a blood one? Because it's hand made."

epic

- "Broadcast Majors do it to epic proportions."

- "Roy is an idiot, and the only thing that would have made this movie satisfying would have been a scene depicting Roy's testicles getting ripped off by a range picker, thus imparting a different, but far more valuable, theme: \"A walking anus shouldn't procreate.\" --> The original quote from Mr. Cranky"

spit

- Hospitality: Making your guests feel at home, even though you wish they were.

- Common sense is in spite of, not as a result of education.

apology

- "Adam is God's apology for the Archie Bunkers of this world. A doctoral student at CalTech, comic book star, gen-x activist, future screenwriter, finder of lost CD's, cat-owner, HTML deity, holder of world record for longest relationship before marriage, my LA landlord and personal hero. Pack a lunch if you intend to view his entire site. Hell, pack a restaurant. --> The original quote from Duck"

- "Whoops. Sorry. I didn't realize that; I hit reply, and pasted in my solution a half-hour later. Anything you'd like by way of apology? --> The original quote from Rohit Khare"

sponsor

- "Every Vision of the Future we saw - whoever sponsors the fish place has this vision of exploiting the ocean floor; AT&T runs the \"ride\" inside that enormous Epcot sphere, and it's like one big \"You Will\" commercial - frightened us. --> The original quote from Megan Coughlin"

- BATF: Government sponsored gang activity.

spot

- A smile is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it in one spot.

- One thing in favor of a polka dot tie is that one more spot doesn't matter.

april

apt

- StarShip Captains do it at warp speed.

- Baptists don't make love standing up. It's too close to dancing.

squad

- "Socialism is communism without the firing squad."

era

- Religion: Organized intolerance.

- To a Fundie, "family values" means bigotry and intolerance.

drag

- "Who entereth herein, a conqueror hath bin; who slayeth the dragon, the shield he shall win. --> The original quote from Edgar Allen Poe, Fall of the House of Usher"

- It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.

train

- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

- If we cannot overthrow the government, it is not constrained.

franc

- "So, the National Hockey League has approved an expansion franchise for Nashville. It's the first time in the history of the NHL that a team will have more teeth than the fans. --> The original quote from Dennis Miller"

- "he's in _france_ man. it's just like america; just with better accents and more smokes. --> The original quote from Joe Kiniry"

prank

- "One of the arguments that landed Robert Morris, author of the Internet Worm, in jail was all the sysadmins' time his prank cost. Yet the author of sendmail is still walking around free without even a U (for Unixery) branded on his forehead. --> The original quote from Unix-Haters Handbook"

graph

- If women like it, it's Erotica. If men like it, it's Pornography!

- Hmm ... the above paragraph fails all intelligence scans.

trash

- "You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash."

- "You might be a redneck if you think \"taking out the trash\" means taking your in-laws to a movie."

crazy

- I'd rather be crazy than stupid.

- Why drive yourself crazy when it's such a short walk.

arc

- "Politics ruins the character." - Otto von Bismarck

- Íå who would search for pearls must dive below.

ore

- There is more than one way to kill a cat.

- Òî cook a hare before catching him.

bread

- All bread is not baked in one oven.

- Íîðå is the poor man's bread.

break

- Hunger breaks stone walls.

- The last straw breaks the camel's back.

tree

- Íå that would eat the fruit must climb the tree.

- Put not your hand between the bark and the tree.

green

- A man who turns green has eschewed protein.

- Three things cause sorrow to flee: water, green trees, and a beautiful face.

freeze

- "Some dudes ackshully freeze their sperm. Beavis prefers to make his fresh daily. --> The original quote from Butt-head"

- "They have a hiring freeze on white males. Call me Ishmael. --> The original quote from Jim Hong"

tress

- Waiters and waitresses DO IT for tips.

- Freedom is my mistress, as frivolous as she may be.

drew

- "We have a God who delights in impossiblities. --> The original quote from Andrew Murray"

- It is bad luck to be superstitious. -- Andrew Mathis

erg

- Fly Heisenberg Air! Dunno where we are, but we're making good time.

- Guns don't kill people, kinetic energy does. Let's ban it!

urge

- My nickname is Burger King. I'll do it your way.

- New members urgently required for Suicide Club.

prince

- "Here's to my buddy, a helluva pal, every girls guy and every guys gal. He's a prince, he's a topper, he's the King of the dance. And he frightens the horses when he takes down his pants."

- "It's the story of a young kid named Puke who lives on a desert planet. After learning he's a great Jethri fighter who has unique access to the power of the universe, called The Glue, Puke runs off to save princess Layme and defeat Barf Trader and his evil empire. Although his mentor, Dopi Ol Fogi, is killed by Trader, Fogi appears as a vision and instructs his apprentice to \"Use the Glue, Puke,\" which he does, destroying Trader's horrible, space-going vessel, the Breath Car, at the last possible second. --> The original quote from Mr. Cranky"

urine

- "There is more evidence of evolution in my urine than in your entire family tree."

- "Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --> The original quote from David Moulton"

drink

- Natchez, Mississippi - Elephants are not permitted to drink beer.

- Eat at pleasure, drink with measure.

crocodile

- "Confucius says: Cross the river, THEN insult the crocodiles."

- "When I hear that someone's been eaten by a crocodile or a shark, I just get all gooey. I start salivating. I'm fascinated by it. If I had to get tortured by a human being or eaten by a shark, I'd take the croc any day of the week. The reason is that it's not personal. You were lunch. --> The original quote from Tori Amos"

iron

- Wreckers DO IT with big iron balls.

- If a felon is one who commits a felony, God is an iron.

wrong

- Creationism: The belief that common sense is wrong.

- Unpopular Bible Fact: Public prayer is wrong. (Matthew 6:1-6)

crotch

- "Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon."

- "Since we're the stars, we wanna show us in ways we've never been seen before. Like a giant closeup of my crotch would be pretty cool. Heh heh. They'd be like, \"I'll be damned. Never saw that before.\" --> The original quote from Butt-head"

crowd

- "You never want people to think you're too smart! Trust me, it leads to a painful life of being beseiged by the clueless... blend in with the crowd! --> The original quote from Rohit Khare"

- Nobody ever goes there, it's too crowded. (I've actually HEARD this!)

froze

- "You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section! --> The original quote from My Blue Heaven"

- Married people do it with frozen access.

arrow

- Sparrows DO IT for a lark (hearsay).

- Creation science: Shoot an arrow, then paint a target around it.

arson

- "The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. --> The original quote from Doug Larson"

- "Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three... and paradise is when you have none. --> The original quote from Doug Larson"

drug

- Have you drug tested YOUR Legislators today?

- No one kills over drugs ... They kill over money.

drunk

- Life is a perpetual drunkeness. The pleasure passes, but the headache remains.

- As drunk as a lord.

trust

- Trust a government which won't trust me with a firearm?

- Never trust a God Fearing People.

use

- The mountain has brought forth a mouse.

- Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

psi

- Elevator men do it upside down.

- Gypsies DO IT with crystal balls.

ass

- Jest with an ass and he will flap you in the face with his tail.

- Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

estate

- "You know what it takes to sell real estate? It takes brass balls to sell real estate. --> The original quote from Glengarry Glen Ross"

- Real estate brokers do it for a commission.

estop

- "estoppel, n. Law: A bar preventing one from making an allegation or a denial that contradicts what one has previously stated as the truth."

stag

- Techies do it behind the scenes. (as in stage hands).

- The first stage of immortality is being remembered.