Sarah Palin Jokes and quotes

"And how are you going to be the vice president of the United States with five kids to take care of? She's got a four-month-old of her own, she's about to become a grandmother, and she's partnered with John McCain. How many diapers can one woman possibly change?"  Jimmy Kimmel

"John McCain's VP pick is the governor of Alaska, a unknown hockey mom named Sarah Palin that no one ever heard of. The only other job she had in politics was the mayor of a small town known as Wasilla, Alaska, and now she has the opportunity to be on a ticket opposite of Barack Obama, the first black man she's ever seen." –Bill Maher

"This isn't a presidential ticket, this is a sitcom. The maverick and the MILF." –Bill Maher

"Some people are saying that McCain picked Sarah Palin to appeal to women who supported Hillary Clinton. This is crazy. You can't just replace Hillary Clinton with another woman. Bill tried that, it didn't work out." --Craig Ferguson

"Are you kidding me, the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska? Yeah, that's who you want in the White House during a time of crisis. When she got a phone call at 3 in the morning, it was because a moose had gotten in the garbage can." –Bill Maher

... and more :

"When they were vetting her for this job, like three seconds ago, she said, quote, I'm not making this up, 'What is it exactly that the VP does every day?' Let me field that for you, Sarah. They start wars, they enrich their friends, they subvert the Constitution, and they shoot people in the face. That's what the vice president does." –Bill Maher

"Did you see Sarah Palin standing next to McCain at the podium the other day when he introduced her? Didn't it look like one of those commercials where the daughter is trying to find a nice home to put Dad in? 'We'd like someplace quiet.'" --Jay Leno

"Here's the amazing part: back in '84, Sarah Palin actually came second in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant. Now she could be vice president. You know what that means? For the first time in history, a beauty pageant contestant might actually bring about world peace. They've talked about it for years; here's one that could do it!" --Jay Leno

"And McCain felt what this nation really needs now is a vice president who looks like Tina Fey." --David Letterman

"I think this is pertinent because McCain has been running this campaign based on 'we're at war, it's a dangerous world out there. The democrats don't get that. I John McCain am the only one standing between the blood-thirsty Al Qaedas and you. But if I die, this stewardess can handle it.'" –Bill Maher

"But we're learning more and more about Sarah Palin, boy, are we. Listen to this: it turns out she and her entire family once had a chair-throwing brawl on 'Jerry Springer.'" --David Letterman

"Well there's a lot of controversy about it. Apparently she told McCain about this weeks ago, but what happened was, I guess she said it into his bad ear. So he didn't realize." --Jay Leno

"And, of course, the big news: John McCain has selected Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his vice presidential running mate. Apparently, he was turned down by his first choice, Bonnie Hunt." --David Letterman

"But, despite that, Republicans think she's a pretty good running mate for McCain. They feel she can bring in women voters, she's got a good conservative voting record, and she doesn't mind eating dinner at 4:30, and that's important." --Jay Leno

"But Cindy McCain, for one, points out that the governor, Palin, does in fact have some national-security experience [Video: Cindy McCain pointing out that Alaska is close to Russia]. Right, she's so close she can walk right up there and watch them like a neighborhood-watch captain or something." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Also, it's now come out that Palin's 17-year-old daughter is five months pregnant. McCain claims he knew that when he picked her, but, I don't know, this whole thing, it just seems too much like the 'Maury Povich Show' to have been planned. At this point, I'm not sure I trust McCain to pick a fantasy-football team, to be honest with you." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Most of the gossip this week is centered around Sarah Palin, McCain's controversial choice for vice president. Some question whether a mother of five who's only been running the state of Alaska for two years is the right person to fill out a ticket fronted by a 175-year-old man, and it's especially strange considering the emphasis that Senator McCain has put on national-security experience. Three years ago, Sarah Palin was the mayor of a town with 9,000 people in it. Nevermind national security, they barely have mall security in a town of that size." --Jimmy Kimmel

Stars:

Sarah Palin: Sarah Louise Heath Palin (born February 11 1964 in Sandpoint, Idaho) is the current Governor of Alaska. She is the youngest governor in Alaskan history (forty-two years old upon taking office), as well as the first woman to hold the office in Alaska. In addition to being Alaska's youngest governor, Palin is also the first who was born after Alaska achieved statehood. She is also the first Alaska governor not to be inaugurated in Juneau, instead choosing to hold her inauguration ceremony in Fairbanks. She took office on Monday, December 4, 2006. Her Lieutenant Governor is Sean Parnell. Palin is the former mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.
Jimmy Kimmel: James Christian "Jimmy" Kimmel (born November 13, 1967) is an American comedian, writer, talk show host, game show host, and producer.

Jay Leno: Jay Leno (born April 28, 1950) is an Emmy-winning American comedian, writer who is best known as the current host of NBC television's long-running variety and talk program The Tonight Show.

David Letterman: David Michael Letterman (born April 12, 1947, in Indianapolis, Indiana, U.S.) is an award-winning American comedian, late night talk show host, television producer, philanthropist, and IRL IndyCar Series car owner. His first major success occurred on the long-running NBC television program, Late Night with David Letterman, before moving to CBS in 1993 to his current place on the Late Show.

Craig Ferguson: Craig Ferguson (born 17 May 1962) is a Scottish comedian, actor, writer and talk show host. He is the current host of CBS's The Late Late Show, a role which earned him an Emmy nomination in 2006.

source: wikipedia